A Barley Toy Christmas

I know it’s been awhile.

I would have to say that this year has been probably the most difficult of my life – personally. And certainly a difficult one for my family.

Without going into too much detail, I will say that much of it is due to the progression of my mom’s dementia and having had her placed in a nursing home in the fall, and all in the midst of Covid and lockdowns.  It feels that I’ve been emoting for what must be 3 months now, in all of the changes that we’ve experienced in her decline and at this point in her life.  It has been without any highs. This I can tell you with all certainty.  The sadness and stress is unlike anything I’ve known before. 

I’ve heard it said of dementia, that it’s a slow and brutal good-bye – where you’re grieving the loss of someone still very much alive – piece by piece as the condition progresses.  I now believe it.  Some days, I feel I simply just can’t deal, but like anything else in life that hits you hard and sends you, you put one foot in front of the other, and just show up for everyone else around you.

A Lifetime In Boxes

In all of that, with Joe by my side as we cleaned out her house following her move, I came across SO many memories. Memories of my life with her as a little girl, and later as a teenager (as I discovered Mom threw NOTHING out). And again later still, as an adult with my own little family, and gathering in her home as part of her larger family on special occasions. If I had only known then, that they would be some of the last.

The unbelievable amount of Christmas decorations in her basement alone that Joe and I had to sort through in that cleansing was completely overwhelming. And knowing that I had to part with 99% of it was beyond difficult. We kept what held the most meaning to me in those memories. I had to be realistic once the initial grieving and sadness of that wave subsided however, and had to force myself to come to terms with the fact that the rest of it had to go.  We simply don’t have the room to store it all. Yet with each piece that I held in my hand, there seemed to be a memory attached. It was a truly rough task and I thought the tears would never stop flowing.

Christmas Is Mom

What I found myself remembering overwhelmingly as I sorted through it all tho, was how very much my mom loved Christmas.  I’ve mentioned before that she was a single parent raising my younger brother and I alone following divorce.  And what came back to me in vivid colors, were the amazing Christmases she had given us on her sole income, and the extra and unique treats she showered us with over the holidays in making the time of the year so truly special for us.

The memories of her having us dressed in our absolute best for Christmas Eve, with our apartment fully decorated with not just one but 2 trees, all came flooding back. Mom would be in a long dress or skirt as was the fashion trend then, complete with heels and jewelry.  It was just the 3 of us, but she always had a way of making everything special in her enthusiasm, and wanting to give us all that she possibly could.  She had such a way for making the smallest yet most meaningful of moments, truly grand and memorable.

Our Christmas Traditions

What were our Christmas Eve traditions? Christmas carols playing, hors d’oeuvres enjoyed, and friends visiting to exchange gifts under the tree lights.  My little brother and I knew just how truly fortunate we were. But we realize it even moreso now as adults.  We didn’t find huge gifts under the tree as she simply wasn’t in a position, financially, to spoil us in that way, but Santa had always come to visit with wonderful surprises, and the memories she made for us over the entire holiday were so beyond anything of monetary value, that we missed out on nothing.

The one rule on my brother and I, was that we weren’t allowed to fight during the holidays.  Not that any parent wants to see their children argue, ever, but it was, unquestionably, that one time of year, when you knew you weren’t to utter one cross word toward one another. Or she would force us together into that one big gold colored leatherette lazy boy chair – side by side, until we hugged it out. Oh, how we disliked it then, but she was one very determined mom in seeing that the fall outs didn’t last for long while citing to us both “You only have each other.” How right she was. Mom was always right!

In our home, Santa visited in the night of Christmas Eve, and we woke Christmas morning to find gifts under the tree and filled stockings.  And after excitedly opening gifts, we attended a Sunday morning Christmas church service.  We would then return home to the smell of roasting turkey in the oven, and enjoy a midday family Christmas dinner.  And no one could cook like my mom! And her turkey stuffing?  To die for!!

Every Christmas Was A Barley Toy Christmas

One of the many highlights during the holiday season for my little brother and I tho, was the extra special Christmas candies she would have adorning dishes in almost every part of the house!  As a kid in the Maritimes, one of those staple treats Mom deemed as a must, were the old fashioned Barley Toy Candy.  Clear molded hard sugar candy on a stick that were just as cute as they were sweet, and seemed to last forever. And yes, more a toy than a candy!

Over the years, Barley Toy Candy, or Barley Toys as we’ve known them, have become more and more difficult to locate in stores. There are many of us who still watch for them and when found, let friends know as they too, lived that same tradition as kids in the Maritimes.

All That Inspires Me This Christmas

It was then in going through Mom’s things, and in that nostalgic mindset, that I found myself creating this – in honor of my mom who is still with us physically in her dementia but yet seeming so only in the fragments of her now, while still forever whole to me in my memory.

Creating this Old Fashioned Barley Toy Candy Christmas canvas in my return to My Painted Porch Vintage and Farmhouse Signs, is my memory of my mom then, and a tribute to her as the incredibly selfless, brave and courageous mother she was, even with her face to the wind. And a tribute to the amazing childhood Christmases she gave to my brother and I.  I think a part of me also created it tho, for all of us in the Maritimes, who grew up as kids with those same treats that were such a part of our Christmas traditions.  And in the hopes that if they too were to see it, they would feel the exclusive connection with others that not many would know.

In the memory of our childhood Christmases in the Maritimes, and of our parents who worked so hard at providing us with the little extras – where the smallest of things have turned out to be the biggest in our memories, this I created, from my heart.

Wishing a very Happy Holiday Season and a Merry Christmas to all, far and wide, with your loved ones by your side. 

Enjoy all of the moments as they present themselves to you and hold them close. Take not one of them for granted. 

As the years will fly by – and the gifts, come and go too, it will be those amazing memories made, that in the end, remain in our hearts, forever.

CTV News Story: https://atlantic.ctvnews.ca/maritime-company-making-chritmas-a-little-sweeter-for-over-80-years-1.2151164

Robertson’s Barley Toy Candy online: https://www.rcandy.com/products/clear-toy-candy

Up Next…a cozy build-and-paint project just in time for winter – A DIY Fireplace Build-In.